Trauma Therapy for Victim Blaming and Repressed Memories
Victim blaming is one of the leading causes for repressed memories of trauma. When we don't feel safe to share openly, we shove down memories of traumatic experiences. This can lead to memories being “repressed”, or lost over time. Repressed memories of trauma can sometimes resurface later in life. When this happens, it can be so disruptive to normal daily life, that it can feel as if you're going through another traumatic experience all over again. Trauma therapy can help.
Trying to Forget Trauma Only Keeps Us Stuck
Our bodies are not designed to forget, as much as our heart might wish it so. But remembering it is not the same thing as reliving it.
What is Victim blaming?
It's the act of accusing someone of being the direct cause of their own pain. "You brought this on yourself," is the simplest form of victim blaming. Victim blaming isn't unique to trauma, however, we see it every day. A toddler trips over a toy he left out and we say "Well what did you think would happen." A friend vents about feeling like a verbal punching bag for her partner and we say "I mean, you married him." We blame victims all the time, in everyday moments. Every time we witness someone's pain or they're brave enough to share it with us, we have an opportunity to show up and listen, not hurl judgment.
It's important to note that victim blaming is also something that survivors can do to themselves. After a traumatic experience we often ask why it happened as we try to make sense of the event and come up with a plan to prevent it from ever happening again. Unfortunately, the easiest way to feel that we have control over preventing another trauma, is often to blame ourselves for it (i.e. "If it was my fault because I wore a red dress, then I can control how safe I am by just not wearing red dresses anymore.") This is an example of internalized victim blaming that we might use to regain a sense of control and safety after a traumatic experience.
What is a Repressed Memory?
A repressed memory is an experience you’ve had, that you have no memory of - as if it never happened. They're often memories of painful experiences that we've shoved way down because they were traumatic or overwhelming in some way.
Traumatic moments in which we experience dissociation are more likely to be unconsciously repressed. Signs of dissociation include:
mentally "going away" in order to get through it
you had the sense that you were not in your body or as if it was happening to someone else
feeling as if you were watching it from above
How Does Victim Blaming Contribute to Repressing Memories?
In a culture of victim blaming, people feel less and less safe to share about traumatic experiences. Thankfully, the #MeToo movement is turning this around.
Historically, however, people who experience trauma are more likely to try and cope in silence. "If no one knows, they can’t tell me how it’s my fault." Coping with traumatic experiences in secret can be an incredibly painful, isolating experience. As a result, many survivors find they become overwhelmed by their thoughts, feelings, and body memories after a traumatic experience. The more overwhelmed survivors feel, the more likely they are to shove those memories down, trying to simply forget as a means of consciously repressing memories.
What happens when traumatic memories resurface?
We work with clients who have had traumatic memories resurface later in life. Often times, they've gone years living a "normal" life before a seemingly tiny thing starts to pull on the thread of a memory that's been buried for decades. Not everyone seeks out therapy when this happens, however, some people can begin to develop symptoms of PTSD as a result of this “resurfacing”, even decades after a traumatic experience. Going through another trauma as an adult can also trigger these memories to resurface. For example, a car accident as an adult, could trigger you to suddenly have memories of suffering severe physical abuse as a child.
Can my therapist find repressed memories for me?
An experienced trauma therapist will NEVER go digging for repressed memories. If a therapist ever suggests you might have repressed memories of trauma when you haven't mentioned any such thing - run (and consider reporting them to the Department of Health). Human beings are extremely vulnerable to suggestion and research has shown that unethical practices that seek to "unearth" repressed memories of trauma for clients, end up causing significant harm. Digging for suspected repressed memories is not trauma therapy, and it's dangerous.
Can trauma therapy help if I have repressed memories coming up?
In trauma therapy, we support our clients by teaching them coping skills to help stabilize themselves and reduce feelings of overwhelm that often come with these memories. Going to therapy does not have to mean retelling every detail of the traumatic experience. Over the course of treatment, we help clients heal by grieving and working through feelings of anger, self-blame, and fear.
Once a traumatic memory has resurfaced, we must process it in order to make sense of what happened and feel our way through it. This part isn't optional. We either do that, or we stay stuck. The optional part is whether you do that alone or with someone who knows what they're doing.
Check out some of the following organizations for more information, to read stories of recovery, or to share your own.
We can help.
If you or someone you love is struggling with memories of trauma or victim blaming, please reach out. We offer Trauma Therapy including CBT Therapy in Orlando and online throughout the state of Florida. Call today or send us your info and we’ll reach out for a free consultation to see if one of our CBT Therapists would be a good fit.
