Many people who experience sexual trauma describe feeling “dirty” and ashamed. This, in addition to fears of not being believed or of making “big waves”, often leads to trying to keep the trauma a secret.

While trauma is not something to be shared lightly, the decision to keep it secret from everyone, forever, can lead to stronger feelings of shame and isolation. Talking about your trauma with other survivors or in the context of trusted, safe relationships can help to break down feelings of shame.

This isn’t the type of experience anyone wants to remember, but the body never forgets. There’s a famous trauma book on this point called “The Body Keeps the Score.”The more you try to pretend trauma didn’t happen, the more your body is likely to react in big, and sometimes confusing ways.

In order to move through trauma, so it no longer haunts you physically and mentally, it can be healing to name it and acknowledge it for what it was. Beginning to piece together all elements of your experience can allow your mind and body to heal.

This is a common, but false logic after trauma. The mind naturally replays traumatic experiences trying to making sense of what happened, why it happened, and how it happened - so we can make sure it never happens again.

Unfortunately, the mind also loves control so it’s common for trauma survivors to pinpoint all the things you could have done differently. By focusing on our “mistakes” we can cling to a sense of control. This process however, only feeds into feelings of guilt and anxiety as we try to navigate the world after trauma.

The reality is that sadly most sexual trauma involves people we know - not strangers. And with people we know, the weapons are usually emotional, more often than they are actual weapons.

One of the hardest steps of healing from sexual trauma is actually the first step of defining it for what it was - being forced, coerced, or exposed to any unwanted sexual behaviors of any kind.

Research has proven that in reality, the part of our brain that is responsible for survival above all else (the same part that records every experience in your life to keep a record of what “works” and what’s possible), is the part of the brain that assesses an unfolding trauma, as it’s happening.

This part of the brain decides FOR you, WITHOUT any conscious thought, whether your best chance of survival includes fighting the person off, running away from them, trying to talk to them, or physically freezing up and mentally “going away” until you have a better chance of getting away. This isn’t a choice, it’s automatic.